


The End

by MsMxyzptlk



Category: Jahar Tsarnaev
Genre: F/M, Poetry, lament, tragic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-20 12:42:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3650751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsMxyzptlk/pseuds/MsMxyzptlk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>After the first day of testimony in the trial of the real-life Jahar, my feelings for him changed drastically. After the prosecution closed its case today (March 30, 2015) I don't think I can ever feel the same about him.</p><p>The Jahar whom I wrote about before - kind, apologetic, loving, romantic - is further away from the real man than I ever imagined.</p><p>I will leave my past stories and poems up here for posterity's sake, but after today don't expect any more.</p>
    </blockquote>





	The End

**Author's Note:**

> After the first day of testimony in the trial of the real-life Jahar, my feelings for him changed drastically. After the prosecution closed its case today (March 30, 2015) I don't think I can ever feel the same about him.
> 
> The Jahar whom I wrote about before - kind, apologetic, loving, romantic - is further away from the real man than I ever imagined.
> 
> I will leave my past stories and poems up here for posterity's sake, but after today don't expect any more.

I once thought of you as a beautiful boy.

Soft like velvet, shining like gold.

A boy tailor-made for my imagination.

I thought about holding your hand as we strolled beneath the sparkling lights of downtown.

I giggled at thinking of us sharing crude bodily-function jokes as we watched YouTube on our laptop.

I closed my eyes at night and summoned your form to my side, dreaming of the river of your orgasm flowing over my tongue, dreaming of your hips nestling between my thighs, your shaft the key unlocking my secrets.

But after you were beautiful – you were broken by violence.

Bullets tearing apart your skin, silencing your ear, making tracks for nightmares to plow into your brain.

Dragged away in the middle of the night to a tiny lightbox, nothing to touch your intellect except the books that strangers gifted to you. 

Counting down the days until twelve people decide if you die by the state’s hand – or live the decades of your future in a box smaller still.

In paper images, you looked so fragile, so lost.

An egg bereft of shell, albumen quivering in the harsh air.

I wanted to bring you into my arms, feed you, protect you.

Keep you as my kitten for life.

Then came the truth.

The bloody, messy, ugly truth.

The truth of human bones stripped of flesh, broken, twisted beyond repair.

The truth of a nonchalant week of grocery shopping, flippant tweets, and showing your game face to those who thought they knew you, those whom you would betray the most.

The truth of a policeman’s blood staining your keychain.

The truth of tossed bombs, a case of bullets, and crushing your brother under the wheels of a stolen vehicle even though you had the space not to.

The choice not to.

Choices you had, indeed.

Your _bête noire_ of a brother didn’t have his hand around your neck.

He wasn’t charming you with the dark notes of violent jihad.

You sought that.

You embraced that.

You were willing to climb the stairway to paradise on the backs of the dead and injured.

Your fluffy hair hides a nest of vipers.

Your slender ribcage hides a heart of coal.

Your beauty hides an ugly, wicked soul. 

If that soul could reach the surface, it would transmogrify your flesh to green, pustular scales.

Goddamn, I see your face and think of your crimes, and everything else I had hung upon you is gone.

Gone.

You’d roused my sexuality and creativity and _joie de vivre._

What happens now? 

Will they go back to sleep?

Or will I need to suck the truth out of your body, spit it out, and look at you as a husk to fill with whatever I want?

Damn you.

Damn you, Jahar.


End file.
